Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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