After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
