Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize