can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Come on in and take your pants off
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