you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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