im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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