for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize