If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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