I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Enjoy the penises
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
