OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
