are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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