how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
