Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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