We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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