On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize