she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
