I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Idk if I want to put a bra on
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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