If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
