Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
