why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
