I miss vodka workout Fridays
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
