I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
no you cant smoke seaweed
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
