Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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