so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
