margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
