Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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