If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
