dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He did a backflip because drugs
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
