so that wasnt chicken after all
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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