we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
