Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
