You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
