end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
