I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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