You can't special order awesome
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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