:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Randomize
