we have pet lesbian snakes
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
