He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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