Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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