im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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