fuck your aforementioned shoe
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
