I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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