i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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