This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
this beer tastes like vomit already
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
