I think scott just propositioned me for sex
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
