can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize