4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
50% drunk capacity currently
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize
