you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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