I want to stick my p in your. b.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize