And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
