Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
