It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
