Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
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