Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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