i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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