he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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