If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
