Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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