my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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