Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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