I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
