I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Randomize
