he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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