So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
