One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
