She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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