Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
