i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Your cock deserves a montage
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
