Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
You smell like stripper and shame
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
