im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
