airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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