I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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