xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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