these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
