The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
