At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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