i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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