i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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