Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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