How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
