So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
