Screwed.edu
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
