walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
