Whod you bang
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
It's never too late to be topless.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
