So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
