I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
she smelled like a LAN party
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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