and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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