you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
