My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
