I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize