so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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