What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize