so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
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